myblog

Remembrance

My Mother in law passed on in October, and one of my Uncle's passed on last week.  It is a strange time.  I am glad that I believe that their time of suffering is over; I miss them, but I am glad they have been released.  They both enriched my life in ways I cannot count.  Mother in law is like a second mother to me; Uncle is like a much older brother.  I am honored to have known them and loved them and to have been known and loved by them.  My mother in law and uncle were both the first of their siblings to pass. "Mom" was 82 and "Uncle" was 94.  In both cases we got to say our goodbyes while they were still awake and alert, and it is a blessing is the only word I can think of to describe that.  Their passings have reminded me to be appreciative for the time and health I have.

Dissatisfaction

Just when I think I've had enough of newstalk and cable network political news and commentary, curiousity usually gets the best of me and I will turn on the radio or television to investigate, is there anything new?  Strangely, most often, there is not.  Just a lot of talk, some whining, some complaining, some name calling, some dismay, some pointing of fingers, etc.etc.  I may even tire of Lou Dobbs and Bill O'Reilly, two of the more level headed independent informative and appropriately humorous at times folks.  It took many years for me to have had enough of classical music; perhaps it's not taking as many years for me to have my fill of CNN/HLN and FoxNews.  This could be a very good thing because I have a huge stack of papers/receipts/statements to sort and file, and an ENTIRE wall of books most of which I have NOT yet read.  So slowly and gradually I am shifting from a watching mode to a reading mode, and I think this will continue.  And I'm feeling positive about that.

Cat attacking its reflection

In recent weeks the cat has begun to attack her reflection in the double paned glass doors and windows.  We are attempting to inhibit this behavior by keeping the windows and doors covered after dark.  I've tried opening the door to show her that no one is out there, but she doesn't get it.  Poor cat.  I try not to laugh but it does seem quite funny to me.

Disagreeing Agreeably

Very difficult to do!  I can feel defensive and attacked from my own insecurity within me, even when I'm not being personally attacked.  Other times I feel secure and recognize the attacks or critiques are upon a belief I hold or a position I support.  This works both ways.  Others can feel defensive and attacked from their own insecurity within them, even when I'm not personally attacking them.

To be sure, Disagreeing Agreeably takes practice, and it gets easier with practice.  It takes love and respect. It takes grace and transparency, vulnerability but not weakness.

I believe God does not feel insecure in any way, so I don't need to fear any possibility of Him feeling like He's being attacked.  In other words, I can vent on God and it won't wound Him in the same way it might wound another person, and it definitely won't destroy Him.

There's a lot of disagreement going on these days, and I'm not looking for answers here, just stating questions:

• Is it better that the government be doing more of God's work for the poor, the orphan, and the widow, or that the Church be doing more of that work?
  
• Is it better that people live according to their feelings or live in spite of their feelings? 
• Is it better that I spend money on myself on a getaway weekend, or give that money to the poor and stay at home? 
• Is it better to pay off debts before adding to savings, or to add more to savings before paying off debts, or to do some of both? 
• Does God desire more that the Church influence lawmaking, or that the Church live out the example of lawful living among and between its own members? 
• Is it most important to God that our intimate relationships reflect His image of male/authority/respect and female/power/love, or is it more important to God that our intimate relationships reflect his attributes of constancy, faithfulness, exclusiveness, propriety, appropriateness, privateness, tenderness, patience and longsuffering?
• Is what is natural automatically good by definition? Or is what is natural necessarily fallen and in need of supernatural intervention and infusion?
  
• Do we own property or are we stewards of God's property?
• Is the Bible the inspired word of God or is it the words of mere men?
  

Lots of disagreement going on these days!

Rain, Fire, Decorations, Tour

Rain has finally returned to the Far West and I am glad.  Rain I like because it freshens the air and waters the plants and to a certain extent washes the car, and we don't have frost or fog while it is raining, and the sky isn't an endless blue for months on end like during the summer.  After weeks of cooler weather, I finally decided to build a fire in the fireplace.  There is something strangely comforting about a fire in the fireplace.  I don't know if I'll ever figure that out or if I even need to or want to.  The external decorations came down on January 10 and the internal decorations came down on Jan 17.  I'm somewhat sad to see them put away, but there's enough other beauty to make up for them.  The Tour of California is coming up and I might actually get to see a few moments of a real bike race in person, that will be something different.  I haven't ridden for a couple of years, so it may be a good kickstart to get back into riding.  Where is all this going?  I really don't know.  Have a good weekend.

Tired

Lately I've been more tired than usual.  So since it is so late already, time to put this day to rest.

How about....

How about standing still without turning at the North Pole (facing south ha ha) on the summer solstice for 24 hours with the sun always at your back, because the sun's "moving" at the exact same speed the earth is spinning while you're standing still and "not turning"?

How about being on the equator at the equinox to view the sun rise "vertical" and the sun set "vertical" and absolutely NO shadows at noon, and therefore sun dials won't work on the equator around noon on the equinoxes (no shadows)?

How about water drains spin one way in the northern hemisphere, the opposite direction in the southern hemisphere, so how do they drain on the equator, in both directions with two counter currents and two funnels spinning opposite directions? How about there'll never be any tornados or hurricanes at the equator because they can't "decide" which way to spin?

How about spending a week in July in Alaska watching the sun go around in circles from left to right, and then spending a week in January in Antartica watching the sun go around in circles from right to left? (and don't get dizzy)

How about every so called "flat level" surface on earth is curved down at the corners (because the earth is a sphere), and that for a surface on earth to be truly flat, it would have to be raised at the corners and lowest in the middle, in which case, any rain which fell on it would all run to the center?

How about west in the northern hemisphere is a line curved down and to the right, east is a line curved down and to the left, and north and south are lines curved down and straight ahead (in a vertical plane)?

How about the moss growing on the south sides of the trees in the southern hemisphere, and the sun being in the northern sky at noon?

How about the zodiac constellations being "upside down" as viewed from the southern hemisphere?

How about six months and twelve hours from now, the same stars I see at night at midnight tonight will be in the same position at noon (one p.m. daylight savings) on that day, except that the sun will be between me and those same stars?

How about going straight up (constant "speed") toward a star then straight down (again constant "speed") you land in a different place because the earth has turned underneath you, so that from the star's point of view you went straight toward it then straight away, but from the view on earth you traveled in an arc/parabola?

How about a plane flying due west at the same speed as the earth at that latitude is spinning, so that you land at the same time as you took off?

How about flying west around the world two times in one hour, and landing in the same place you took off from one hour later, so you really didn't gain two days crossing the international date line twice, because it's only one hour later?

How about there's no such thing as an inch, because no measurement is is exact? Same for a mile, a yard, a millimeter, a light year?

How about there's no such thing as a straight line, because there are no fixed points in space?

Is He good enough for you?

As it is now December 25 in our time zone, MERRY CHRISTMAS.  Regardless of what time of year the Lord was actually born, the fact remains, God came to earth and lived a human life; and so God, from God's own personal human experience, actually and experientially knows what it's like to live here.  Good News, God does relate and God does empathize.  So wonderful to know The God who truly understands to the deepest levels.  He came for all of us, we all need Him whether we accept it or not.  I pray you accept it.  God is more eager to be in us than we are to be in Him.  It is not a question of us being acceptable to God; it is a question of God being acceptable to us.  It is not a question of us being good enough for God; it is a question of God being good enough for us.  My experience tells me He is, and when and where my experience fails, my faith remains.

Christmas Lights

Decided to make time this year to put up Christmas lights along the outside of the house, and managed to do so the week after Thanksgiving.  I'd like to leave them up until President's Weekend, but I have a feeling they'll be coming down before then.  There is something about it that makes coming home after dark an even more pleasant experience.  At first three small portions of lights in three different cords wouldn't light.  I inspected each bulb in the unlit portions and failed to find any broken bulbs or filaments.  Cheap enough to replace all the lights, but I decided to leave it all up "as is" for this year, it was too much trouble to put up twice since our ladder is on the short side and it is so COLD out there.  I was frustrated and prayed, God I don't know what to do next, and one of the three places just lit up!  The next night I came home from work and when I plugged in the lights, noticed that a second dark string was also now lit up!  Now only one dark string remains.  My guess is that this reflects one dark string remaining in me...well, I'd be surprised if there were only one.  But above all, God is the bringer of light out of darkness, both visibly and spiritually.  I'm grateful that this has been one of the LEAST busiest Christmas seasons ever, so that I've had more time to shop for gifts out of love.  So much better than shopping out of obligation to give just because that's what everybody "has" to do, which I saw as rather pointless.  I would have rather given to those who could not repay me, but never had the guts to follow thru with that on a serious level back in those years.  Fortunately now, shopping out among the crowds is reduced to small meaningful things, not "just because".  And so GOOD to be less stressed out with a lighter schedule.  I'm so glad I no longer play for six choirs!  December used to be my LEAST favorite time of year, because it was always so exhausting, busy, concerts concerts concerts until I was sick of concerts, working all day, working in the evenings, working on the weekends, working working working......I'm grateful that I decided to change careers in 2000 and put those exhausting Decembers behind me forever.  So why is this still called pianomankugie?  Because it's a fun name...and because whether I like it or not, that's part of who I am....so why not like it.......

Dogs

I have a little better view of why dogs bother me so much with their rambunctious rude undisciplined in-your-face loud ill-mannered paw you scratch you whining demanding big-baby....those are the things I was criticized for and learned to dislike in my self.  So naturally when I see a dog acting like a dog, and getting away with it, or worse, being encouraged in it by a happy dog loving human, it is very unpleasant to me.  I wouldn't go so far as to say that this is why anyone else might not prefer the company of a dog, as far as I know, it's only true for me.  So I find myself feeling that others are blessed because they enjoy the company of dogs and I am happy for them and they don't have this particular baggage.  I am also happy when they do not insist that I share in their love of dogs right now.  So now I have something else to pray about in regards to making peace with my past and my present.  Sounds like more healing is on the way.